Female Power
By Kyle | July 18, 2008
The idea that we can let go of all our previous beliefs about what a woman “should” behave like takes some work. Being powerful in the world today is your gift to everyone around you. You are now in a position to let go, or “throw away” all your preconceived notions about what being a woman actually is.
Of late, my personal journey has required a tremendous amount of soul searching - and an in depth look at my life, what I’ve been doing with it, and how I’ve spent my own energy. Every woman ought to take the time to do this, and really you don’t need to go into the depths of despair like I have, to do that.
Do it anyway.
Feminine power is an illusive thing; meaning it moves around a lot. We are powerful because we are beautiful, we can control others or tend to them, we can stand up to what’s “wrong” and celebrate what’s good and right with the world. We are where everyone looks to for that guidance.
Men seem to have the upper hand in society, but that just isn’t true. Who runs the household, who takes care of the kids, who offers the bulk of her time to the betterment of society?
Women.
So, just start living like that. Resist the urge to take care of others when they are not pulling their weight. You aren’t doing them any favors, or yourself. Say “no” and mean it when someone asks you to overlook their behavior or actions when said behavior is out of integrity. Practice entertaining ideas or thoughts that are taboo, or not cool to have. Take people out of your life who disrespect you, or dismantle your sense of dignity with their words or actions. Call others on their lack of integrity with care and love, requesting they return to that state of grace. Practice acts of love randomly and without any expectation of return… do this daily and with a sense of the divine.
Stand up for yourself… and always ask “what would love do here?”
Small things that provide you with a deep sense of connection with all that is, and the you that exists within that…
Blessings…
Technorati Tags: dignity, disrespect, divine, integrity, love, power, women
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Why Women Should Rule The World
By Kyle | July 9, 2008
There’s a new book out called “Why Women Should Rule the World” by former White House Press Secretary, Dee Dee Myers. I have yet to read it, but the premise certainly interests me.
Ms. Myers is proposing something pretty radical, and if I was more awake right now I dig in a little deeper than I’m going to right now. Let her speak for herself. Here’s a link to a clip from a brief interview she gave regarding Hilary Clinton’s race for the presidency, and the media coverage she received. Dee Dee Myers
And here is an article from iVillage you can read written by her.
Once I read the book I’ll probably post about this again.
The Queen
Technorati Tags: balance, Dee Dee Myers, gender equality, politics, women
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Men in Relationship to Powerful Women
By Kyle | July 1, 2008
Men and strong women… ever thought about how that goes. It can be a slippery slope, but it’s worth thinking about. You may use your relationship with a man as an excuse to hold back your power. Women are are trained to defer or behave a certain way around your men, so it takes some reflection to see who you’re being - strong or not so strong.
Of late, it’s become crystal clear to me that being a strong woman can mean that who you are relating with may not be actually strong enough, or man enough to stand next to the woman he’s chosen. He isn’t faulty for that, but it’s important to understand what the signs of that disparity are.
Here’s what can happen with men and strong women…
One; your strength could be misunderstood and viewed as someone who is actually weak for being vulnerable, generous, and forgiving. When you are capable, and take care of your life, your man may feel like he has to “one up” you. It could be that he treats you poorly, withholds information from you, or criticizes you. It could even mean that he spends a good deal of time building a case against you, and accuse you of confining him. Stand up to this, trust your instincts, know that what you are feeling may very well be true, and challenge him. If he is truly a man, he will meet you there, and become even more of who he is.
Two; When you are willing to stand firm on what you know to be true, and expect your mate to behave the same way, he may conveniently forget that he is the other half of the equation. You are not required to hold up the entire structure of your relationship, he has a part in it too. In the cultural paradigm we live in today women take far too much responsibility for relationship. Being a strong woman gives your man the ability to live into his power, and remain in relationship with that, and you.
Three; Know when to leave. This hurts, because you also love him, but you aren’t doing him or you any favors. When you are in a relationship with someone who is making you wrong, won’t discuss what’s going on for him, withholds information, or blames you for being over sensitive - it’s just a matter of time before he could do something cruel and/or betray you and the love you’ve shared with him. Be strong enough to know when it’s time to exit, and do it. Regardless of who ends a long term relationship there will be pain. Better for it to be clean and uncluttered with other people, dishonesty or cowardly behavior on either part. Your strength will give you and your lover an opportunity to release each other with compassion, gratitude and love.
You are responsible for yourself. Loving someone does not mean that you should get small around them, or put them on a pedestal. Because you are powerful, look for men who are your equal. There out there, and they are a lot of fun!
Cheers,
The Queen
Technorati Tags: accountability, female power, honesty, know when to leave, love relationship, male power, romance, women and men
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A Status Report on U.S. Women
By Kyle | June 24, 2008
My views on how women feel about themselves were recently criticized and judged by a person I know. This person felt that I focus on what’s wrong, and not what’s right in the world for women, even though there are plenty of indications that things are very out of balance in our culture.
I tend to disagree with that. What I am focused on are solutions to glaring inequities that stem first from conditioning, and can be resolved by deep internal work that any woman can engage in. With that perspective, I like to share what I see going on not to wave a flag of how vicitmized women are, but rather as a means to help explain why you may feel that your best efforts aren’t good enough.
How many of us have sacrificed our own desires to provide something for others? How many women just shrug and say, “Oh well” when that job they wanted is given to someone less qualified, but childless? How many of us feel outrage at violence in the world, but never discuss the violence directed towards women in their primary relationship? We are very quiet about all this, and tend to get our panties in a wad about some flippin’ man we’re after, or if our bodies are perfect enough.
Who cares! Really, being on the forefront of outrage is not what I’m suggesting. Being a woman in charge of her destiny is. How can you do that if you are ignoring the very things that contribute to your sense of self being “beneath” or “less than” that permeate culture? How can you wake up to your desires without some deliberate awareness of what is presently happening?
I may be wrong, but being informed does not imply being a negatively focused human being. It is only negative when you aren’t seeing how you may be personally buying into anything other than your rights to be viewed as human and valuable. When you are clear that you intend to be treated equally, instead of as an object on display or the person who cleans up all the shit that others leave behind.
I’ve attached a recent memo from Women’s ENews… and encourage you to read it, and consider it without identifying with it in a negative way. Just let yourself feel what it would be like for everyone when we operate in a society that values everyone and their contributions.
THE MEMO: A Status Report on U.S. Women
Women’s eNews will expand on the following statistics to produce The Memo
- Wages: The gender gap in wages has been frozen since 2002 at the level of women earning 77 cents for every dollar men earn. Some women’s groups estimate that official gap is actually much wider. Sexual harassment, meanwhile, is unchecked and the cracks in the corporate glass ceiling are still leaving hundreds of women wounded.
Barriers to Employment: The United States is one of two countries where women’s labor force participation is actually dropping. Many pregnant women report being fired. Parents of only 1 in 7 eligible children receive child-care assistance. Women are overrepresented in the ranks of those leaving paid employment to care for others.
U.S. Employers Pushing Women Out of Work Force
- Poverty: The percentage of single mothers neither working nor drawing cash assistance surged to more than 30 percent in 2005 from under 20 percent before the welfare overhaul in 1996.
- Reproductive Health: Birth control costs skyrocket, abstinence-only education projects continue to fail, sexually transmitted diseases soar and abortions become more difficult to obtain for many. Meanwhile, the United States is ranked 41st among 171 countries in maternal death rates.
- Violence: Homicide is a leading cause of traumatic death among new and expectant mothers. One federal study estimated 20 percent of female college students are sexually assaulted during their undergraduate years.
Homophobia: Lesbians continue to live without the legal protections that full civil rights could provide, such as access to the benefits of marriage. Lesbians’ Legal Victory Wed to New Ballot Fight
So, you may not like what you read, but investigate it. What can you do about it, not with actions but with your energy? What are you aware of that stings a bit, or makes you feel angry? Does any of this actually touch your life, or one of your friends, family or associates?
Awareness does not mean that you become negatively focused, it just means that you have greater desire being born out of what you are witnessing… it’s a good thing, and provides you with great power to create more of what you want, instead of dipping more into any negative boxes.
Retreat is agreeing with me… ; )
The Queen
Technorati Tags: creative thinking, equal opportunity, female victimization, feminine statistics, feminism, law of attraction, personal growth, positive thinking, U.S. women, women's rights
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Six weeks retreat…
By Kyle | June 21, 2008
Tomorrow will dawn for me in a whole new light. I’m freer than I’ve ever been in my life, and tomorrow I begin on a journey of self discovery and expression. I don’t know where I’ll end up, but I know that it’s all part of the profound “becoming” fully engaged in my life.
The past several years I’ve been so busy making my life work around my family, and right now there’s a perfect window for me to explore myself. I intend to explore it fully. The book I’ve got in the works will be tended to, and written - in earnest… on one hand I’m excited, on another I’m terrified. But, I brought this on myself with my passionate desire for authenticity, I got a truck load of it recently.
The things that kick our ass, are the things that ultimately define us in profound ways. I’ll keep you posted, but for now this woman is striking out on a journey of self discovery unheard of so far in her life.
Wish me well!
The Queen
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Female Solidarity - or meddlesome women 101?
By Kyle | June 16, 2008
I want to talk about solidarity amongst women. I’ve tended to walk the middle road without being blaming to anyone about my perspective, but this needs to be said.
Recently I sent an email to a woman whom I don’t know and probably never will. I sent it to her because I was aware of her having been lied to, by omission. She was unaware of important facts, and I sent her an email filling her in.
Why did I do that? What business is it of mine?
Because I am a woman on a mission for equality, some people have called me a crusader and not in a positive way. But, my methods to achieve that balance are not steeped in focusing on what’s wrong. Rather, they are focused on what could be. In order to accomplish my goal, I am risking a lot. I’ve lost much in the way of what I thought was important to me at one time, to pursue my interest in raising awareness and making huge shifts in our culture one person at a time. These goals require being “inappropriate” or meddlesome… again, as some would say.
Thing is, when a woman is treated with deception, I’m going to say something. Said woman may or may not be interested in my communication, and email is by far the most impersonal method of communication on the planet, next to text messages - but it may open her up to whose really got her back.
Listen, not all men fall into this category but men have a privileged position in society, and can deceive women to get what they want and not suffer many consequences. Usually, it’s just a blow job their after - but it can also be comfort and security for many, many years. People will say what they want us to hear in order to remain unaccountable for their feelings or actions. Sometimes I will be compelled to communicate that deception. Sometimes I will.
All that said, I will always remain a warrior when it comes to women. I will always grow beyond my own limitations of perceiving any separation from any human being to produce positive change. I will always remain with the truth.
Hopefully that will provide me with the initiative to weather any storm or broad sweeping criticisms I face in the future, as I believe that I am about to experience much of that.
Technorati Tags: deception, equality, female solidarity, gender roles, honesty
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An Amazon Stands Her Ground
By Kyle | June 4, 2008
One of the 4 Amazon Principles is - An Amazon Stands Her Ground - and that means just what it says. Being a person, and in this case a woman, who stands her ground on what she/he wants.
Now, my message is to women but I don’t ignore the fact that 49 % of the population is male. Either gender must be willing to stand their ground on what they want, and Hilary Clinton’s bid for the presidential nomination is clearly over. Still, she remains in the running, and now is interested in being the vice president.
She has plans, and she wants to see them come to fruition.
Read this article and see what I’m talking about.
Hilary is many things, but weak and a quitter she’s not.
Her efforts are respected, in spite of all the negativity and criticism - she is standing her ground on wanting these things;
“I want what I have always fought for in this whole campaign. I want to end the war in Iraq. I want to turn this economy around. I want health care for every American. I want every child to live up to his or her God-given potential, and I want the nearly 18 million Americans who voted for me to be respected, to be heard and no longer to be invisible.”
She’s proving to me that she is tough, fearless, and fierce.
She’s an Amazon!
Technorati Tags: Add new tag, children, democratic race, determination, economy, fearless, female leader, ferocity, health care, Hilary Clinton, war in Iraq, women
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What Inspires You?
By Kyle | May 31, 2008
Inspiration comes to everyone, and it comes in a myriad of ways.
Some people are inspired by the idea of being abundantly provided for, others by recognition and accomplishment. Then there are those who are inspired by the softest of touches, the glimpse of a child’s smile, or the petals of a flower. Finally, there are some who are inspired by revenge or hatred.
It is fascinating how little we acknowledge the power of inspiration in our daily lives, or actually cultivate it. Many talk about “motivation” and how valuable it is … but I would say that action taken with merely motivation can be empty, exhausting and not very productive.
Inspiration, on the other hand gives you the juice to continue and push yourself past what you think is possible. Do you know what the difference between motivation and inspiration is? It’s that sense of being connected to something larger, more powerful than what we feel most of the time. It’s the “sweet” spot athletes talk about, or musicians mention when everything just falls together. There’s a effortlessness to the effort being made.
The thing about inspiration is that it is something that can drive a sustained effort, like a business, a relationship, a family…. as a powerful undercurrent. Even though there are days, weeks or months that wander by without much change in your life. If you are driven by a deeper inspiration - you will never get completely derailed.
When I started my business a few years ago, my first concern was to tend to my family. Then, when the war in Iraq started I became completely overwhelmed with a passion for being a part of a total transformation of our collective behavior through my work. If I could help one person see their brilliance, and they made significant changes in their thinking - well, they would do that for others. I just couldn’t bear leaving my children, and their children (and your children… ALL children) - a world where there wasn’t room for love and loving ways to solve disagreements and problems.
(….My thoughts were that if whoever was in “power” only knew how fucking hard it was to bring life into form (birthing a human is pretty intense), they may think just a bit longer about finding a solution to a disagreement than just bombing them…. )
The Amazon material sprung out of that INSPIRATION. I wanted to leave a legacy behind for my children - all of whom are pictured in this post (all but one of my brood were magically in the same place last summer - that’s why I have two photos up). They are…and have been my inspiration for the better part of 30 years! Without them, I wouldn’t be who I am or have the passion to step out of what’s comfortable for me, and work with you. (I much prefer writing quietly in my office, watching my garden grow or doing things reflective and quiet.) Because it is inspired work, it works miracles in my clients’ lives.
Consequently, it does the same for mine.
Blessings, The Queen.
Technorati Tags: amazons, business, children, commitment, inspiration, love, miracles, peace, solutions, war
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Andrew Sawyer….
By Kyle | May 27, 2008
This is my friend Andrew Sawyer…
The last time I saw him, he came flying into our living room all smiles, and goodness… that’s who he was.
Yes, he was an amazing athlete… the most amazing skiier I’ve known. He surfed, climbed rocks, rode a bike many long miles, lived a sparse life in a van, or a tent, or wherever he landed… if you were his friend you couldn’t help but offer comfort and conversation when he stopped by for a visit. He coached my son, and touched his life in a big way… and he was a friend to me during some intense periods in my life. I know I was help to him, as well.
All those times that he thought he wasn’t enough, or that he was a loser and I would tell him that he was not any of those things… that it would pass and his life was a testament to what being a man could be, it just wasn’t in a form that was “typical”.
He did believe me sometimes, and I know it helped to hear that he was more than what he thought he was. I always wanted to remind him how incredibly precious he was… and I did often. He solicited “heart” from his friends… as well as some concern.
The last time I saw him, I gave he and his lover a book… and hugged him tight. They stayed for a few moments, and then they walked out looking so sweet together… he’d found a woman to love him, and it seemed well with them.
I just got word that things weren’t so good for him (and that happened often for him, but what a warrior he was)… so, he decided to move on to another place.
Just love you Andrew.
I can hear you saying (as you nod and roll your head at the same time)….
nnnYup!
Technorati Tags: Andrew Sawyer, athlete, friend, heart, skiier, Telluride, transition, true man
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So, now what shall I do?
By Kyle | May 25, 2008
I wake up most mornings feeling a little like, “what do I have to do today?”
Thing is, if you’re running a business you probably ought to be waking up knowing exactly what you have to do.
Well, not always.
For a quarter of a century (omg, that’s really a long time), my days were never constructed very well. I just tumbled out of bed with mostly not enough sleep, to go from one thing to another - all urgent activities that just had to be done.
I am a mother.
Now, with my youngest child in the last years of maturing, things are different. I’m struggling with the transition from having every single day devoted to running my “business” of tending to the next generation, which didn’t have any form but a ton of function. There was never any question that all that I did would be for free, and I honestly didn’t think about that fact much at all.
It’s not like I would equate the activity of wiping a snotty nose, or messed up butt with a dollar amount. I just took care of it. As the kids got older, the activities were far more intense - like talking (really listening) about what they were struggling with; their friends, schoolwork, fitting it, driving (”why can’t I use your car?”), body issues, shitty teachers, problems with dad, problems with me… oh, and “can you PLUezzze buy me that “so important” goo for my face?!”.. (for $30 multiplied by - a lot).
I didn’t think about how my work would be valued, if it was valued, if I was making any kind of a difference in the world around me, if it was marketable… none of that was on my mind. And my mornings were just a blur. Now I wake up and muse about what to do with myself.
Shall I write some gut wrenching tome on the plight of women? Maybe dig into that all important copy for my website… or should I go workout, do yoga, take a walk along the ocean?
Even my dog gave me a container for my work for 11 years… she had to go for walks every day and I took her. Well, even she’s kicked the bucket and moved on… grown out of her furry body, and transitioned into some non-physical “not form” that skips backwards across the sky….
None of that is pushing on me any longer.
Some mornings, I don’t know what’s next.
Technorati Tags: business, children, death, kids, motherhood, teenagers, value, work, workout, yoga
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